Last night I dreamed that my former girlfriend J wanted me to move with her to Georgia. We had to drive around a huge mountain that I had never seen before. When we arrived there was shopping to do to get groceries. So I picked up groceries and then drove home, to Utah, not Georgia. It made me late for dinner.
Meanwhile my sister was working to decorate a cousin’s house and she asked me to pick up some pictures at a design store. When I arrived I told the clerk I needed help and he proceeded to ignore me. So I got pissed and ranted and raved and bullied the manager about customer service, and the manager pulled out a sign that said, “We reserve the right to not serve ‘Haters’.” And that pissed me off more so I stole a car, a Prius, and then I was running from the law even though I knew that I hadn’t stolen the car but rented it.
I woke up driving to a new store and trying to get my seat belt on before one of the many cops that kept driving by noticed that it wasn’t on.
My read on these dreams is a bit unsettled. (Surprise, I think most dreams leave me unsettled, especially when the former J is in them.) My interpretation follows:
Clearly there are unresolved issues in my love life. I constantly dream about the Former J, and rarely dream of the current PLP. The problem in real life is that I broke up with the Former J and then she went and got married to a man and they now have two kids. So the longing for the Former J is weird because in all my dreams she has kids, and a husband, she just doesn’t want to be with the husband.
Retail has been a big deal in my dreams of late as well. I wonder if I am shopping for alternatives or if it just the push and stress of every day life. Run errands, go to the store, don’t forget item Z. Etc. The stores look the same whether grocers or high end art studios. Maybe I want all stores to have food and give me toilet paper. (Perhaps not.)
The most unsettling part of the dream was what a bitch I was to the clerk. I’m in no way demanding, and prefer to be a passive rug to an obnoxious bitch. But in the dream I had no problem bullying the clerk and then the manager. It felt ugly. Maybe it means I’m concerned for the confrontation with the PLP. Maybe it’s my fear of never finding the right job and always being on the outs. Maybe it is just all the frustration vented that I don’t allow for in real life. So I’m a bitch and then I run away. I justified my actions and stole a car. I felt like I should be in trouble and then the cops were out. There is so much policing of my actions, thoughts, and efforts.
Maybe that’s why people leave me, or I can’t let go of others. The people I feel the most free around tend to be crazy (note Former J) and the ones who are less crazy never really know or accept me. Then I have to police my efforts and actions until I blow up like a big bitch. All I wanted was some love, attention, some art, and now I’ve gone and become a beast.